The Bethel Rebel: Life according to Johnny Ginsberg

Good day to you all.

I’m still feeling the levels of stress in the job.  I’m not going to lie to you, I was ready to consider taking disability retirement, but thanks to my social worker, he encouraged me to stick it out for a while longer.

One of the stressors was those blasted medications.  I got the clearance from my medical teams and went off of the Clozapine, the Gabapentin, and the Baclofen, in one week.  I lost many many hours of much needed sleep and endured a lot of stress during that particular time.  Thankfully, my medical team last week prescribed clonazipam, which is used for anxiety but has a calming effect on the body, kind of like a gentle tea to induce sleep.  I have been sleeping reasonably well ever since, but my body is still getting used to the med changes.

I am happy to report that instead of weighing 301 pounds on the second week of May, I now weigh about 16 pounds less, and that the weight is going down at a “comfortable” pace.  I have also however, besides the med changes, changed my diet slightly.  And I am using a form of portion control to try to control the weight issues.  I drink exclusively green or ice tea, coffee with cream and a bit of cinnamon syrup, and water–usually bottled, since I don’t like the taste of most tap water.  I am trying to get protein and good carbs in, but I also am trying to stick to a 300 or 400 calorie meal three or so times a day.  Because of the med changes, I haven’t had much of an appetite anyhow.  I still eat out a lot of my meals, but I try to do it in a healthier way.

I also have started chiropractic care.  I wish I had been able to do that years ago.  There are some sublaxations in my spine, so it will be some time before everything is properly aligned.  I had my first adjustment last wednesday.  I have witnessed adjustments by a chiro before, but never had the pleasure of experiencing it myself.  It was quite interesting listening to my spine and my neck pop pop pop like rice krispies.  But better that then endure any more medicine that hurts more then helps.  I hope that I can continue to do chiropractic care, but that depends on the final report I get this Tuesday.  Cost is  an issue, and I am hoping that my Blue Cross insurance covers it.

What I’d like to strive for more is balance.  I think that, by God’s grace, I am slowly getting there, but it will take some time before that is totally achieved.  Slowly, I will get there, if he so chooses.

I do have some sad news to report.  I regret to inform you that my mother’s beloved cat, Peaches, passed away on Friday night.  Peaches had been having some health issues up to that point, but I will miss her greatly as well.  She was as “peachy” as her name.  May she rest in peace.

What now needs to happen  in my life is more healing, more healthy choices, more balance, and more joy.  If you are a Christfollower, I would welcome your prayers to that regard.    In the meantime, I also welcome your prayers for success in my job, my faith, and my relationships with people, whether they are family, friends, co-staff, clients, or others.

Take care.  Thank you for reading.  Peace out.

Johnny

I have experienced a lot of stress this week.  It’s making me question whether or not I really should be doing this line of work as a customer service person.  We’re having staffing challenges, and I am making some rather stupid and serious mistakes at the job.  I don’t want to slide out of making mistakes at all since I’m “new”.  I’m just tired and sick of making mistakes.  One of these days, I may make an error that could have me doing the blue screen of death.  (NOT an indication of self-harm!)  I don’t wish to lose this job, but I don’t wish to hurt or embarrass anyone at all, whether a patient, family member, or co-staffer.

I’ve also got the lovely indication that I am seriously needing to lose some major weight.  I am undergoing some major medication changes and part of that involves, unfortunately, losing the Clozaril that helps me sleep.  I haven’t slept worth snot last night.  And I had to crank up on the Abilify in order to compensate.  I have made the choice to get rid of the Gabapentin and the Baclofen, which help me handle pain.  But I need to make these choices for me to lose weight.  And yes, I will admit I do need some serious exercise.  And of course, diet choices, but I don’t want to hear the usual baloney about that stuff. 

I am wondering–even though God is with me, will I still survive my tenure here at VAMC?  I am probationary until April 10 of next year.  I don’t wish to just up and quit, but I don’t want to (expletive) up either.  I don’t need to experience the blame and the shame that I feel right now about mistakes I have made and am making.  I really feel stressed and anxious.

I completed making the switch to Blaine by joining the First Impressions team.  But I still am getting my feet wet in that endeavor now. 

If you wish to pray for me, please feel free to do so.  Otherwise, have good thoughts or whatever you can.  And not just for me–my co-staffers could also use the same prayers and good thoughts too.

It’s as if I have to test my emotional and spiritural endurance here in this position at VAMC.  I feel that I cannot be stretched more.  Endurance is key, but I need more, I guess.

Peace out for now.

why I was feeling weird that night.  God was pretty much telling me to move to the Blaine campus of Eagle Brook.  I feel like that was the right decision.  What happened to me is that God was telling me that He had some plans for me to join the Blaine community and to have a “fresh start.”  Because of this, I was able to find a different spot for me to serve Him at Blaine.  I had put in my request for release to my White Bear campus supervisor that Sunday morning, only to find out that evening that the White Bear campus was going to suspend the Saturday night dinners until the Fall season.  So I was going to be “released” from that position anyway.  So now, I am on the First Impressions team at Blaine services.  (I’ll probably use ‘Blaine’ campus to refer to this service because it will be in  Blaine when it opens this fall.)   I also may be doing another team at Blaine, but that is to be further determined by God, and the leadership of the church.  Bless their hearts.

Anyways, I’ve made some great connections.  It will be good for me to do this stuff.

I am still employed to this particular date.  I am learning more and more about how to serve my patients at VAMC.  There are responsibilities I have at the place that are very encompassing to the job.  I am still liking the job, although I am not always able to make the patients happy.  The job involves customer service responsibilities, and for me to juggle that with the requests of the doctors, nurses, and other providers is a little bit of a puzzle for me still.  It’s not easy doing my job, but I am getting more endurance with the position and all that it entails on a daily to weekly basis.  It is, however, good for me to rest up on weekends.

I know that there are still things I need to figure out with my life and all that it entails.  I know that there is not a thing as a free lunch, but I have to pay my dues to society, and then get the responsibilities done the best way I can possibly do so.

Between Eagle Brook, the VAMC, and other things in my life, I’m glad that God is working within me, through me, and for me.  May He always be blessed by those who love Him and serve Him with all of their hearts.

Peace out.

I don’t know whether it’s the time of year or whatever it may be.  I am feeling not myself in the past few days.

I’m not sure why.  I am tired, and have slept alot today.  But I just don’t have any energy this weekend.  I did meet with a friend in Little Canada today, but that’s pretty much it.  I decided to skip church tonight, and I’m probably going to go to the Blaine service tomorrow night at Spring Lake Park campus.  I also am thinking I’ll have some Pho Tai Nam Gau at my favorite Vietnamese place tomorrow as well.  Maybe that will help clear my head and my heart.

I don’t really think it’s depression.  I just didn’t feel like doing stuff this morning or this afternoon.  Also, what I meant by this is the time of the year is that it’s still spring going on summer.  It’s usually the time for romances and things like that.  It’s also the end of the academic and church cycles for the summer.    When I was going to school, this was the time of year I had to adjust to being alone a lot of the time.  Now it’s just feeling weird.

It also could be a guilt thing too.  I have been guilty of some stuff toward God lately.  I’m not likely to easily confess this either.   Let’s just say it’s a thing that is particular of Christian men and purity and leave it at that.

I know I hate being accountable to anybody.  Accountability is good, but it also sucks.  Especially if the accountability is in a sensitive area in your life.  I guess the guilt over this stuff could be sapping my energy.

I know I have my job, and I’m dang lucky to have it.  I hope and pray that I perform the job to the expected standards, just as I hope I am doing it according to God’s standard.

I hope I have a better Sunday than my Saturday has been.  I know I need to be up early to do laundry in the morning.  That’s a thing I don’t really like to do.

Changes, changes, changes.  That’s all it seems to be lately.

Peace out.

I’ve been “signed off” at my job for two weeks now.  It’s been good, but challenging.  I’m still adjusting to working full time, plus doing a job that, over the long run, is getting easier.  But still, I’ve been challenged with learning new skills, improving on other ones, and trying to stay positive  about my life and circumstances.

Being an MSA is fun, but very much a job I get tired from at the end of the day.  This, however, is a good  kind of tired, because I help about fifty plus veterans and other people per day.  This makes the job worthwhile for me.  Of course, there are people who are not satisfied with what I can tell them about their particular situations.    Some of the job involves taking heat from veterans who are angry because they cannot meet their goal of being seen by a doctor the day they come.  The doctors are booked up with a backlog that can involve some time, and the only way of being seen the same day is if by a lucky chance there’s a cancellation, or there is a medical urgency of some kind.  It just shows me that you can’t please everybody.  And I have to eat a lot of stuff cuz of that.  But that’s customer service for you.

I do believe that the customer is always right, but I wonder how  to implement their wishes and how to do that within the structures of VA guidelines, regulations, procedures, and statutes.  Sometimes it’s a dirty job, but somebody…me…has to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the work.  I just wish I could please everybody.  Otherwise, I can cope well with things.

I also  have started a coed small group on Mondays.  It’s working out reasonably well for now.  We still have to have some kind of definition of the group, but otherwise it’s going OK.  For me, anyhow.

Nothing else new or exciting for May.  I hope this note finds you healthy, full of joy, and coping well with the stresses of life.  Take care for now.  Toodles, poodles.  Peace out.

I trust that the warm weather is appealing to everybody on this side of the Equator.  I’m definitely feeling the warmth, and loving it.  I take joy in the sunshine and the explosions of color erupting in this lovely spring season.

This weekend at Eagle  Brook Church, Pastor Bob Merritt was speaking of how we all need joy in our lives.  He mentioned that joy comes from God, but we also have to “make” our joy happen.  It could be a bad day at work, but not letting that get to you as you deal with your family.   It could be that you’re not happy because you’re not working or something else like that.

(I think I’d better put in a disclaimer:  This is my take on this weekend’s message from ebc.  If you want the actual message, please go to the website at www.eaglebrookchurch.com .  )

In my case, I’m actually feeling and experiencing a lot of joy now.  I have contentment because now I have a job, I have what I need in order for me to live life on Earth and in this wonderful country, and that everything is slowly getting more balance.  My life was so out of balance, it was bad.

God put us here to work, and to have joy in what we do.  But we also need to balance that with rest.  Even God took a day off from work.  If God can do that, We can as well.

Another part of joy is being grateful for what we got.  I’m definitely grateful to God and to all whom I touch in my life, for whatever it can be.  Whether it’s the job, my ride, my circumstances, etc, I am really grateful to all for what I have, and what has been given to me.   My joy is that I have what I have.

Sometimes I still think I need more completeness in life, but that is something I don’t necessarily need because I am complete in Christ.  I  have what I need.  Like it says in the Bible, Don’t worry about tomorrow, because each day has enough trouble of it’s own.  (or that today’s trouble is enough for today, in some other versions.)  Bob did say that we only have one day.

I really appreciate the balance and that the pieces of the puzzle of what I need to be doing in my life is falling into place.  I’m also happy that God is faithful.  My joy for that is complete for now.  I couldn’t ask for more without being less content.  I am content.  I have plenty of joy in this day, and right now.

I hope this summer will be a good one.  It’ll probably be a hot one, since I live in Minnesota.  Anybody for some humidity?

Happy day.  Have a good one.  Peace out.

Thank you all for stopping by.  This will be a quick update as far as things go.

I landed a full time position at the VA Medical Center in Minneapolis as a Medical Support Assistant.  I will be starting the position in a couple of weeks.

I just want to take a moment to praise and thank God for making this happen.  I also wish to thank those  of you who have prayed and are continuing to pray that I will have success in my endeavors.  Also, thanks to other supporters as well.

For those of us not in the medical know, a Medical Support Assistant is a person who takes telephone calls, makes appointments for patients, and does other clerical type work upon request of the staff and patients.  This is an entry level position, so it’s a gateway to other opportunities.

I will not be auditing at the Seminary for a while, since I will be working during the day.  However, I hope I will still be doing things that I enjoy, not just for my enjoyment, but God’s as well.  It will be kind of grueling for a few days at the start, since I have not worked at a full time job in some time.  But, as Clint Eastwood says in the movie Heartbreak Ridge: “Improvise, Overcome, and Adapt.”  That will be what I will be doing.

Blessings to you all.  Peace out.

I am learning that there are different contexts to cultures that define their styles of communication.  There is high context and low context.  Most of us in the US and Europe tend to be in the low context cultures, because the Americans and Europeans are more into being task oriented, time oriented, concern for punctuality, and focused on what needs to be in the future.  Other cultures are more into doing things that reflect their history and customs, value relationships and people orientation.  I am going to do this…I think the challenge of evangelizing and making ChristFollowers is that we are trying to take the American way of doing things by task, punctuality, and value to materials; and then orientating them to the more high context way of doing things.  In other words, we are clashing cultures–the American way versus the Biblical way.  (This is my own opinion, of course, so feel free to disagree.)  Maybe even it’s a mix.  We want to get to Heaven, but we have to do things in God’s time.  But we still have Heaven as the goal, but the high relationship value that God places in  ChristFollowers is that we want as many people as possible to become Christ Followers.

Also, a lot of the clash in cultures are due to the Biblical methodologies of doing stuff, and the “American” methodologies of doing stuff.  In the Military, we have to “knock it out” and do it As Soon As Possible.  (ASAP).  In a more relaxed environment, we can do the thing and get it done, but it can be done in a less stress and less time dependent fashion.

There are also other things I am still learning about here in class.   Like the American way of giving equality to everyone, and the teaching of self reliance/independence.  American children are reared to take care of themselves as soon as possible.   Family and relationship orientations tend to respect authority more.  They also learn about and something from their history so that they can not only know what the deal is, but to hopefully learn and avoid mistakes.  (My opinion,again.)

The formal terms for this are pretty much power distance.  Teachers can be quality evaluated in large power distance systems.  In small power distance systems, it is centered on the students.  This is a lot of information.  But I think I am kind of learning this stuff.

Now, to shift gears, I applied for a Federal Government job last Monday evening.  I would really welcome your prayers about this item.   I also welcome prayer about what God thinks I can do for a job, and that He would provide me with the job that He wants me to have.  I know  that Social Security will not be around to give me an income for much longer.  I want to take that Social Security and get rid of it, because I think that  other people could use the money more then I can.  I want to work, so I have some value to God, my country, society, and especially my community.  I know I am valued by God, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life watching political and journalistic propaganda for a majority of my day.  I know I should be content, but I want to be content in getting out there and working for an honest dollar.  I want to really make more of a difference then I am doing now.   Volunteering is good, but I want more–not just for the almighty dollar, but also for the great feeling I get when I am serving another  person.

As I sit in this class learning about the makeups of cultures in general, I am amazed in learning the different frameworks that various cultures use when it’s presented here.  Americans are individualists by far, but I hope sometimes teamwork is good too.

Peace out for now.

I am learning about two different styles of communication in my Culture and  Ministry class at Bethel Seminary.  Linear communication is when the communication is direct and to the point.  Circular communication has many points, and doesn’t always come to the point like most of us would like to have happen.

I prefer the linear style only because I don’t believe in extraneous information when I make decisions.  Unfortunately, sometimes I blog in a circular style, only because there is a lot of information and I have an extremely hard time in communicating the same.  I am wondering if it’s because I have the NeuroPsychiatric compromise outside of the Schizoaffective disorder, or if I’m just plain stupid or something. But these concepts are interesting, because I have to learn how to communicate with all of God’s people in their manner of communication.  In other  words, when in Rome…

Also, I’m learning about values, beliefs, and other social concepts.  It does sound like a lot of sociology, psychology, and archaeology; but it’s this kind of stuff that I need to grasp in the event  I have to minister to someone who has a different outlook of things then most of us here in our culture.

It’s also something I am realizing as I think of how the Bible communicates to all of us who read it.  Sometimes it is linear, right to the point.  But a lot of the time, it’s more circular in nature.  I am wondering if it’s because the difference in communication styles is evident because the Bible is translated from the Hebrew, Aramaic, Koine-Greek, etc to our English language.   I know the Bible always has a point, but in translation has different ways of expressing it.

And there are more things I will learn from this class.   I wanted to express my interpretation to some of the concepts here.   I know I’m supposed to pay some attention to the instructer, but I’m one who needs to do something while the instructer is speaking sometimes.

I also need to take some time here to apologize to all those I have offended by writing the political words I have.  I’m sorry that I offend you by my political views.  To be honest, I think politics is actually [expletive], and I have always felt that way.  I would like to say that the politics I really endorse would be the one that Jesus Christ endorses.  He says in the Gospels to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.  I affirm the lives of God’s people, and I believe that all people here on Earth have the same rights as anybody else:  the right to a loving family, the right to have  food to eat and drink to drink (with some moderation), the right to a good home that is secure and is climate adapted, the right to a good education, the right to have enjoyable employment most of the time (because not all jobs are pleasant), and just the right to live without unreasonable interference from governmental or political authorities.  I want to live in a society that gives when necessary, and that all people have justice, freedom, peace, and that can live with as much equality as can be possible.

Democrats and Republicans may both have noble ideals, but I may only be a conservative in principle, and I don’t want to be considered a “progressive”.  I want to be a real God honoring person, and do things that honor God, not things that just sound great and work great.

Again, I apologize for being somewhat naggingly political.

May all of you have peace this day.  My heart goes out to the people of Haiti, and to others that suffer oppression, disaster, diseases, and other unjustifiable heartbreak and suffering.  I know that Jesus says that this time is but the beginning of birth pangs.  I hope the new birth happens soon.

Thanks.  Peace out.

I am taking pleasure in the fact that the Democrats who were so lovingly elected by their various constituencies are slowly but  surely losing the trust of their constituents.  I have long said Democrats suck, but now this statement is being positively proven.

Look at the special election in Massachusetts last Tuesday.  Republican Scott Brown won the election there with an easy majority–especially as the Massachusetts population traditionally is a liberal state–the late Edward “Ted” Kennedy was the lion of the U. S. Senate and this was HIS seat.  I’m sure he’s probably rolling over in his grave, knowing that the Democraps have messed things up so much for the American people.

I know the Democraps suck, and that they were none too happy about Senator Brown being elected.  I believe the email sent by the Democratics staffers had the one long f-bomb in it.  I saw that fact on the Live Shots section on the Fox News website last Wednesday.  And this is coming on the heels of the major screwups of the current majority party in power, and their chief executive, Barrack Hussein Obama.

Speaking of Obama, he’s let his mouth write checks his ass isn’t able to cash.  As of this date, his pledge to close the Guantanamo Bay Cuba detention facility has not been realized.  He’s also approved so much spending that we’re going to be in debt to our eyeballs, and it’s going to take years to get rid of it.  And Obama is not keeping his promises in a lot of issues that have gotten him the job of President of the U. S.   As they say, “Money talks, [expletive] walks.”  So Obama is doing a lot of walking now.  And so are the legislators of this country.

I really wish Obama would make a criminal offense, so we can impeach him.  But I don’t think he’ll make that mistake, especially since he most likely learned from Bill  Clinton’s mistakes.  I’d love to come up with a tag that fits Obama and his diarrhea of the mouth that gets him in trouble or gets him in situations.  Anybody want’s to do that, please go ahead.

I know the midterm elections are coming up.  I will be voting Republican.  I’d love it if you would too.  And I hope the Repubs will have a decent candidate for the Minnesota Governor’s spot.  I’d re-elect Tim Pawlenty if he was running in a heartbeat.  Pawlenty is doing his job well in a lot of ways.  He’s not always done  the correct thing, but he’s a lot better in keeping his promises and doing the job well then a lot of the riffraff politicians out there.

I hope we have a great Republican candidate for the U. S. president in 2012.  I will be very happy if it was Pawlenty, but I also like Giuliani, Huckabee, Sarah Palin, and a few other notable Repubs.  Whoever the candidate  will be, I wish that individual the best.  As for the Democraps:

You Democrats suck!

Peace to all, and have a great night.  Peace out.