The confusion comes within me as I do not have too much of an opportunity to have appropriate friendships with the female of the species.  I do have female friends, but unfortunately I am in some kind of a pickle when it comes up with one particular person.  I can’t give much detail to this right now, because I really don’t want to tip my hand about this right now, but let’s just say I am puzzled about this particular thing.  It drives me up the wall.

Meanwhile, I still should be starting Medifast soon.  It had to be put on the back burner temporarily while Dan explains how the financial arrangements work to the Medifast people, so they can be sure they get paid.  I want to start using God’s resources that he’s given me appropriately again, so I want to be sure that the Medifast thing will be the best thing moneywise for food, especially since I love to go out to eat and consume inappropriate stuff.

I still have a lot of transitions to go through, but my mind is definitely not at peace.  I have money and other concerns like anyone else.  To my embarrassment and shame, I still have to figure out an appropriate tithe amount and how it’s going to get to church, since I’m on an allowance by agreement from Dan.  I also have to take my lovely Hyundai Sonate in for Annual maintenance.  I also have to figure out of the new residence I wish to occupy by the end of this year will be a go.  I have to figure out the Chiropractic issue as well.  So much stuff, so little time.

The fact that this post is being written at 0230 in the morning is not helping me much either.  I have trouble sleeping more then a few hours at a time.  So after this, I get to crash for two hours or so.  I just don’t wanna fall asleep at the wheel on my way to the chiro and to work.  That would be so not good.

I guess I’m just confused about things right now, I’m also anxious to settle down into the new digs, if indeed that will happen.

Have a lovely day.  Peace out.

As for continuing Chiropractics, I’m exploring if my new Primary at the VA will let me do it on the VA’s dime, considering that since I’ve done the Chiro care, I’ve really improved my health so much it would be a shame not to continue some kind of care with it, even though it only would be PRN care until the calender year starts again.  I only ask for 20 more treatments with it, and I do the equivalent of Physical therapy every day anyway, as the chiro’s recommend it for maximum health.  I’m a lot more flexible, my posture is better, and as they say, “My power’s on!”.  Since I have better communication along my spinal cord with the manipulations, I feel more alive, and I sleep a bit better at night.

I am still losing weight, but the Medifast Program will make it possible for me to lose more weight in a shorter period of time.  They are talking an initial stage of weight loss to for me to go to about 188.9 pounds in about 26 weeks.  If that happens that fast, it’ll be nice.  Plus the program will make it possible for me to be permanently rid of diabetes, most cholesterol issues, and manage my blood pressure without much more medication.  Then there will be a transition phase of about 12 to 16 weeks while I transition to a “healthy diet”, and then after that there’s a period of 52 weeks for me to be seen to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, while they teach me how to eat and cook for myself properly the whole time.  So it’s an education in itself and for two years costs around the amount I paid for a couple of my classes at Seminary in that period of time.  This doesn’t cover the cost of their  meals, but it’s simple, medically supervised, and it’s something I need to do so I can be healthy, not just for myself, but for me to care for myself better to maintain my temple which belongs to God, anyway.

After my body gets used to the diet portion, I’ll be doing some exercise.  That’ll have to start slow, since I haven’t done vigorous exercise in some time.  Maybe I’ll be able to play volleyball once more after all.  I’d love to play volleyball in the summer again.  Maybe this time I won’t hurt myself doing so, LOL.

As for the job transfer to be permanent, I’ve asked the Union to help me make sure that happens, and I’ve put it in as an Equal Employment Opportunity Reasonable Accommodation request–an RA packet.  It may still be slow going for it, but the sooner it happens, the better it will be for all.  I’ll then be able to concentrate on doing my job properly, without worrying about all the stuff that’s been going on in my life the past few weeks.

I’ll be serving at Blaine tomorrow at EBC, but because I want the opportunity to connect with others this particular weekend, I will also choose to worship at the Lino Lakes campus tonight.  I simply can’t do regular church without the experience of going through the music, and I have a hard time doing that when I’m serving.  It’s my hope that the pastoral staff will not be giving me too much of a hassle about this, since I need regular contact with people everyday in order for me to stay mentally and socially healthy.  I think this also plays into spiritual health as well.

I also plan to spend some more time reading Greg’s book, A Rattling of Sabers, (see previous posts).  It’s very interesting to me to read, but for some reason I’ve found it hard to concentrate on reading more then a few pages at a time.

I’m looking forward to having this long weekend.  I definitely need the rest.  I was so exhausted by the whole week and what’s been happening that when I got home from eating at Red Robin after work (yes, I splurged, but I needed to.)  I pretty much lay down and crashed for an hour.  Then when I awoke, I stayed awake pretty late listening to music and letting my mind wander freely for a while.  Unfortunately I was still so exhausted by the experiences I wound up tearing up for a few minutes.  Or it could have been allergies, as it’s now pretty much in the autumn season for all practical purposes.  I also am realizing how lonely I get on the weekends if I’m by myself for periods longer then a few hours, or if I sleep.  I doubt it’s any depression or anything.  After all, after putting cojones to the wall for some time, it’s natural I need rest and recharge time.

So, now, the  agenda is set for the weekend pretty much.  I also look forward to going onward with the job on Tuesday.  I do hope I get to spend some time with some friends this weekend.  I did have some time with Mom this morning for chow at Carol’s, and that was an excellent time, actually.  I also got together with Dad earlier this week, so that was good.

Hopefully this week I’ll be able to do the MEG study as scheduled, on Wednesday night at 1800, and the blasted thing will not freak out again when I go into it.  I definitely could use the extra cash, as I had to invest some money in some work items this weekend again.  Not cheap, but hopefully they cause less confusion and make my messages to my coworkers clear when I process files for chart prep and reviews.

A note:  I  did check the spam filter the last few times and found more spam then I like.  If you have a legitimate message, it will go through, but if you don’t, don’t bother.  I monitor the channel because I find that some things are pretty toxic to me, and I’m trying like hell to avoid my mind being any more polluted then it is.

I hope you all have an excellent Labor day weekend if you’re in the US.  I wish you all the best anyhow.

Blessings.    Peace out.

Things are moving along.  I have my initial Medifast  consultation tomorrow.  Also, last weekend my waist shrank to a 44 from a 46, so it was a trip to wally world to get two pairs of work pants to fit.  Also a couple of new belts, and some newer more appropriate footgear for the job.  Sneaks are good for the job, but the shoes I bought are better, and less likely to wear out that soon.

As for the other things, the money sitch should come together within the week.  I’m thinking that I should be fully paid what I owe by Friday this week.  Apparently the warning shot about contacting the VA OIG was enough to convince the individual I meant business…I hope.

Things hopefully will be fully settled soon, and Thanks and Praise to God, I think I am almost in cruise control mode.  God has really set me up.  Thanks to Him for what I needed and for what He has so far provided.

Peace out for now.

This question is bugging the hell out of me, to be honest.  I don’t know what to do, frankly.  I’m not sure of how to proceed.  With all of the transitions described in my previous posts, this may not be the correct time for me to proceed with this question.  But as always, if you already know me, your thoughts and prayers are always appreciated.  Please…provide some feedback.  Thanks.

Peace out.

And here’s the quandary:  Last week I was assigned to Compensation and Pension to help out with preparing materials to help our C&P clinics process Audiology, Eye, and other basic claims.  It’s work that I find fascinating, especially since the challenges of making sure you have the correct files identified and present, and to pull and process the information we need to give to the examiners to verify and establish their service connection or Non Service Connection claims, as well as working with the people that process files, handle the clinic, are more realistic and are something I can handle better then working with the Primary Care Clinic system at MVAHCS.  I am assigned here for six weeks initially, and if things work out, I will be assigned to this work permanently.  I can handle that if this turns out to be the position God wants to me to be at.  The question is, is this where God wants me?  or does he actually want me as the Program Support Assistant to the VA Police Department?  That’s the job I applied for and interviewed for two weeks ago.

It is so confusing for me to know what to do in this sitch.  One reason I applied for the PSA position is that I would be raised one pay grade above my current level, and would be able to apply my skills in photography that I am honing, as well as my office skills that I received in Office Skills class at MRC.  It’s a lot of responsibility and I’m happy to take it if God, HR, and the VA Police want me to do so.  But I also would be happy to remain in C&P, and will most likely get my pay grade upgrade within six months to a year anyway.  I just have to write out the Reasonable Accommodation request packet to ensure that I don’t get assigned to stuff that’s going to interfere with my mental health and disability status.  Since I’m a union member, I’m thinking I’ll have the union help me write out the packet and then submit it to whatever duty station God chooses for me, since it’s on their advice I’m making sure the packet is prepared so the duties are fair and balanced out for me.  I’d like to know what’s up, so I know what to do as far as get set up for my future continuation at the VA.

The  other quandary I face is whether to lean on a certain person who’s causing delays in my financial process transition by not complying with a VA directive to turn over the money he owes me to my former conservator, who is my financial business manager through power of attorney.  (I know the proper term is Attorney-in-Fact.)  I’m sure the guy means well, but the fiduciaryship has been terminated, since my financial competency has been restored, and the guy owes me my money.  There’s a plan in place to make sure the funds from my VA Service Compensation will never again be spent in a dishonorable and unwise manner, and to make sure my needs are provided for.  I just don’t know what this blokes problem is.  I’ve had it up to my crown over my head with trying to get a straight answer from this gentleman on when he’s going to turn over the money.  I’m thinking that he has until the end of this coming week to turn over the funds, or I make a complaint to the proper authorities.  I’ve identified where to make the complaint, what I need to do to make it, and how to do so.  The thing is, I don’t want to completely screw the guy over, especially since there has been some VA fiduciaries that have been misusing their client’s funds for inappropriate purposes.  And the particular channel for this type of complaint is now on the alert for just such situations.  But I’ve tried all possible methods of communication to this guy, and so has my AIF.  If he doesn’t pony up, I will probably have to register the matter.  I don’t want to accuse him of anything and get my own rear lashed at, but this has been coming for a while.

In the meantime, things are getting slowly better.  My chiropractic care has been very nice and has been quite successful in handling some of my pain and depression issues.  I go to Minnesota Wellness Institute in Roseville, and I am convinced that they’re the best chiro’s in Minnesota–and so does the local community, since they got two awards for that two years in a row.  I so highly recommend them if you need the care that they offer.  I also will be starting the Medifast physician weight loss lifestyle program shortly.  It’s a nutrisystem style program, only it’s physician supervised and tailored to their client’s requirements.  I want to lose about one hundred pounds in one year, if God and me both work together to make that possible.   It’s going to take more discipline then I’ve ever had to apply this program.

I’m not sure if I told you yet, but I might as well spill the beans now.  I’ve identified a place I’d like to relocate to.  It will  not be in the Shoreview/Roseville area as previously hoped, since it’s more then obvious that I will need to be closer to my job to commute to work.   I should still be able to go to Blaine church services for Eagle Brook, since the two way trip is only once a week, and it’s less wear and tear on my car.  I hope to know what God’s solution to this issue is soon.  The fiduciary sitch is holding this and other stuff previously mentioned on a hold status, and it’s a complication until this roadblock is either removed or eliminated.

I’d also like to take this time to push on Dr. Greg Bourgond’s book “The Rattling of Sabers”.  I bought a copy and it’s so far a really fascinating book to read.  I highly recommend this book as a guide to men to help develop their spiritual journey, as it will eventually replace the Heart of the Warrior manual in HOAW phase one, I think.  Women could read the book as well to find out how their men are wired, and hopefully understand men better to help form more positive relationships with their guys.

Your prayers that all these issues are settled are always welcome.  I thank you and appreciate them in advance.

I’m going to do another blog post tonight, but I want to start it differently from this  one.  So peace out for this one.  God bless.

Otherwise, I need your prayers so that the job I interviewed for last Monday will become mine, if God so chooses.  Your willingness to pray for me would be welcome and appreciated.  In the meantime, I highly recommend the Monvee Assessment for those who have not taken any other formal strengthfinders or other self discovery class.  It will literally blow your mind.

I also completed the John Ortberg book, “The Me I Want To Be” today as well.  Both of these actions were very good in determining what kind of spiritual growth I need to do.  I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday present or use of my time then to discover what I need to do to grow in Christ.

Peace to all and out.  Have a good one.  And praise and glory to God for this gift that he has given me, and I am so thankful for this. 

That said, I’m grateful to God for another year of life, grateful for family and friends for another year of good relationships, and I’m also grateful to have a career path that I hope to keep up with for awhile.

I applied for a reassignment to a different position within the VA hospital, but for a different service.  I was granted an interview, which occurred on Monday the 18th, and offered the opportunity to submit evidence of my additional certifications  and skills.   I also wrote up a thank you letter and made sure it would be delivered to the right place by the right people.  As soon as I hear details, I will be letting you know soon.

It’s been a busy time.  My friends Scott and Julie are now married, and I was very happy to be invited to their wedding and  reception, both of which I was in attendance.  I snapped off some great pictures, and they should be appearing on Facebook shortly, but I am not the one who decides which pics get in.

It’s been challenging at work.  Due to a water pipe break, which I described in a previous post, my clinic was rendered out of operations.  We placed the doctors in other primary care clinics at VA, and I have been directing patients to which doctor is at which clinic for their primary care appointments, plus I have been using my knowledge of the hospital and it’s minutia to direct patients to their specialty care clinics, VA hospital knowledge and procedures, and generally going cojones to the wall in doing my job.  During this challenging week, I worked with some really great people, including the nurse who so kindly helped me direct patients to their appointments and kept me company chatting it up and helping me, the  rest of the primary care MSA team, and the patients themselves.  The 1B side  of the Medicine Clinic should be done at the end of August, and there should be total restoration to normal in the total 1u Primary Care Clinics by the middle of  September.

This birthday weekend has been a blessing, since I have rested, and worked on projects I needed to get done.  I am reading the John Ortberg book, “The Me I Want to Be”, and I will be doing the Monvee assessment this afternoon.  I will post more about it later and add it to the Life Plan tab at that time as well.

Have a good  one  for now.  God bless.  Peace out.

I am happy to say that I am doing a lot better healthwise, and hopefully will be making more strides in that area soon.  I can’t update anymore than this at this time, because although business is being conducted and executed, the processes involved in my health in financial, spiritual, physical, mental, and social ways are still works in progress.  I promise that once I get more information and get more work done, I’ll let you all know what’s going on and what is up.

Meantime, I am on Facebook, but the link you’ll have to figure out for yourself.  ha.ha.

Peace out.

The day didn’t start half bad.  I had my usual hack, cough and retch from low blood sugar,  (I suspect that is what is causing that), I took meds, had my lovely one cup of Fiber One cereal Shredded Wheat with light frosting.  (I actually measure my morning cereal intake these days on advice of a very knowledgeable, and rather pretty, dietitian, and this lovely lady also gave me more realistic ideas of a diet I can live with, lose weight, maintain blood sugar, get what I need in calories, fiber, carbs, etc.)  one percent milk.  Did personal hygiene, woke up my weekend houseguests so that they could get on with their day, got to VAMC in one half hour, spent about an hour waiting to start a study using a machine known as an MEG, etc.  The research assistant in charge finally arrived, and she was also a very lovely, pretty, nice lady.  We spent some time in an interview for me to tell her my story and my current “snapshot” of my life.  Then I prepared for the actual electronic portions of the study by making sure anything made of metal was off of my body, and putting on comfortable non metal containing clothes, and other various esoterica associated with same.  The electronic portion of the study was conducted by two very good gentlemen who were concerned  for my comfort and safety for the portion of the study that I was able to complete today.  The study would  have been completed today had the computer  not decided to flake on the psychology technician gentlemen I mentioned earlier, and other electronic difficulties associated with electrodes and such.   I was compensated for the portion of the study I completed that day, and  was informed I would be given the opportunity to reschedule the MEG portion.

I went and had 2 baked chicken breasts at the VA cafeteria for lunch, along with my bottle of water, then I left the building after observing the usual restroom and hand hygiene guidelines required by the Joint Commission on Health Care Accreditation.   I then headed home, and was on the road back to my cave when I blew my nose and started to have a nosebleed.  I sniffed it to the back of my nose and throat quick, and let the nasty mixture of blood and snot drip down my throat and swallow it, and this kept up for twelve minutes as I was driving.  Finally I drove to a safe place to pull over to the side of the road and called the VA Nurseline–the afterhours nurse advice line.  In the meantime, the issue of blood and snot stopped for that time.  I wound up waiting for about twenty five minutes to talk to the nurse with the usual recordings and other associated miscellaneonty, only to get a message to leave a voicemail with the information about myself, my facility, and my problem.  I then proceeded to complete my trip home.  I arrived, got in the house, got in my computer, and then a few minutes later, a nurse from the VA region called and asked what happened.  I told her the story.  She asked if  I had high blood pressure, I replied yes and have medication to control it.  I asked if the computer chart system was up, and she said it was.  She stated that if by the clock the nosebleed does not stop, I was supposed to get it checked out.  I asked her to document the incident, and she said  she would.  I then asked her if there was any other suggesti0ns she would have for me if this occurred again, but we were disconnected.   At least there will be no further issues for today with this, I hope.

Other things happening….with the help of Chiropractics, the dietitian, and other factors, I have lost almost twenty pounds and am getting a lot healthier.  I am learning a lot about how to better care for myself physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and financially.   I have learned a lot and am willing to learn more and do more.  The job is going a lot better then it had been, but we still had some staffing shortages due to illnesses and other issues.  I just hope and pray that I don’t become sick.  I do need to tell all that I have ceased the sexual purity group at Quest 180 at Eagle Brook due to personal issues and also due to not getting the necessary accommodations I need in order to participate in the program.  This is in no way the fault of all the leaders, but I am at the point where I am dealing with some major stresses in my life in the way of my job, my health, and what’s left of my spirituality.  I still have a lot of spirituality, and I still am a Christ Follower, but there are some things that had gotten out of hand that have since been resolved by God and myself in a manner that is between God and myself.   There are plans in place for me to continue my walk with God, but in a manner that will ease the tension of dealing with the stresses of Phariseeic legalism and the ingenuous withholding of God’s grace by, not God, but certain persons and entities within the church,  not just Eagle Brook.

So, that’s my day.  I should still be able to hang with some peeps for chow tonight, and have a great and fulfilling day tomorrow at Blaine Campus of Eagle Brook.  I can hardly believe that in one month or so Blaine will be open, and life can get to a new chapter of a new normal.  In the meantime, unless you are the individuals responsible for making my health issue a challenge today (Not the research team), I wish you all a great weekend, and God’s blessings on you.

I’m still feeling the levels of stress in the job.  I’m not going to lie to you, I was ready to consider taking disability retirement, but thanks to my social worker, he encouraged me to stick it out for a while longer.

One of the stressors was those blasted medications.  I got the clearance from my medical teams and went off of the Clozapine, the Gabapentin, and the Baclofen, in one week.  I lost many many hours of much needed sleep and endured a lot of stress during that particular time.  Thankfully, my medical team last week prescribed clonazipam, which is used for anxiety but has a calming effect on the body, kind of like a gentle tea to induce sleep.  I have been sleeping reasonably well ever since, but my body is still getting used to the med changes.

I am happy to report that instead of weighing 301 pounds on the second week of May, I now weigh about 16 pounds less, and that the weight is going down at a “comfortable” pace.  I have also however, besides the med changes, changed my diet slightly.  And I am using a form of portion control to try to control the weight issues.  I drink exclusively green or ice tea, coffee with cream and a bit of cinnamon syrup, and water–usually bottled, since I don’t like the taste of most tap water.  I am trying to get protein and good carbs in, but I also am trying to stick to a 300 or 400 calorie meal three or so times a day.  Because of the med changes, I haven’t had much of an appetite anyhow.  I still eat out a lot of my meals, but I try to do it in a healthier way.

I also have started chiropractic care.  I wish I had been able to do that years ago.  There are some sublaxations in my spine, so it will be some time before everything is properly aligned.  I had my first adjustment last wednesday.  I have witnessed adjustments by a chiro before, but never had the pleasure of experiencing it myself.  It was quite interesting listening to my spine and my neck pop pop pop like rice krispies.  But better that then endure any more medicine that hurts more then helps.  I hope that I can continue to do chiropractic care, but that depends on the final report I get this Tuesday.  Cost is  an issue, and I am hoping that my Blue Cross insurance covers it.

What I’d like to strive for more is balance.  I think that, by God’s grace, I am slowly getting there, but it will take some time before that is totally achieved.  Slowly, I will get there, if he so chooses.

I do have some sad news to report.  I regret to inform you that my mother’s beloved cat, Peaches, passed away on Friday night.  Peaches had been having some health issues up to that point, but I will miss her greatly as well.  She was as “peachy” as her name.  May she rest in peace.

What now needs to happen  in my life is more healing, more healthy choices, more balance, and more joy.  If you are a Christfollower, I would welcome your prayers to that regard.    In the meantime, I also welcome your prayers for success in my job, my faith, and my relationships with people, whether they are family, friends, co-staff, clients, or others.

Take care.  Thank you for reading.  Peace out.

Johnny